im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
