im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
