He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
