Porn is love you can see.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
