Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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