Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
