A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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