I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
