3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
