Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
