Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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