Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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