Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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