Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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