I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
