Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize