Just cropdusted the office
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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