In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
