This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
