Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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