He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
one might say we're banned from that church
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
