i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
