K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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