The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
