I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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