he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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