how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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