im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
