Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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