broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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