i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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