We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
