roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
