well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
