White coat. Heels.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
