She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They have beer where we have blood.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
