I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize