I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
