by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ttyl tear gas
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
