If i could tip my vagina, i would.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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