i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
