Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize