he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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