Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize