I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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