it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
