I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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