So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
