awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
