The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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