I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
