i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
