3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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