Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
