Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
