last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
