you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
