Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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