scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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