1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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