found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
FUCK WHALES
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
