I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
