Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
