I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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