They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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